Cyclic Grief?

This rather cryptic term what the MS Psychologist used to describe my current state of mind.

I went to the Walton Centre earlier this week and met with the MS Psychologist to begin to discuss my state of mind.

The session started like this -

MS Psychologist "Ok Michael, so you have MS"

Me "No I don't"

MS Psychologist (thinking to herself this is great, a straightforward case of denial) "Yes you do, its on your referral notes"

Me "No, I have myelitis, my notes are wrong".

MS Psychologist "Oh...."

After chatting for 10 minutes and clearing a few issues up and explaining how I feel and how I suffer from anxiety and mood swings, we got onto a better rapport.

Basically, she knows exactly what is wrong with me and I have to be honest, it makes sense. I am suffering from Cyclic Grief. You wont find much about it in Google but basically, in experiencing my problem, I have had a "loss" in my life. Loss of self confidence, loss of control, loss of hope for the future and so on.

As with any loss, just as in death if you like, there is a grieving period to get through before you finally accept your problems and deal with them.

I haven't accepted what has happened to me and this is for many reasons, I have always been told about my condition in matter of fact way and never been offered any support of closure in dealing with it so right now, I am at the "Anger & anxiety" stage of the grief process with no support mechanism to get me through it. Until now.....

I am reading through a publication that is meant to offer a few answers, I haven't found any as yet that slap me in the face but I have 2 sessions booked with the Psychologist in August to help me through this.

So I am happy that things are beginning to happen and I will of course report back as necessary!!