Its time to share the news......

I want you to listen now as this is very important.

A few weeks ago, I had an appoint to spend an hour with an MS nurse at the Walton Centre in Liverpool. This was arranged by my MS psychologist as until this point, no one had sat me down and talked to me about MS in general. At this point, as I entered the room, I still did not have MS, I had no diagnosis.

A few minutes into our conversation, the MS nurse got around to discussing my own situation and I explained to her all the aches and pains that have made up the vast majority of my blog thus far. We talked about my first symptoms, my initial tests, moving from private to NHS and my ongoing evaluation.

She then told me I had MS.

You will find a post here from a good few months ago where I was told by my Psychologist that I had MS and I shot her down in flames for it. This time however, this lady was serious.

I asked to see my notes and she showed me a letter taken from over a year ago to my GP following my initial consultation at the Walton Centre confirming the diagnosis.

The weird thing was, during this consultation and on from there, no one told me I had been given a diagnosis. I was very much under the impression that if a diagnosis was coming, someone would sit you down and give it to you face to face.

Who am I to argue, its official, as far as science is concerned I have MS.

I was shocked, a little traumatised but ultimately, I now had a label and in a strange way, a weight was lifted. It doesn't mean that anything changes, it just confirms what has been thought for a long time. I have always had MS, you don't progress to MS as you grow older, its what I have and its what I have had and explains a lot about all that has happened to me.

So what do I do and where do I go and what is being done to halt the course of this? Well basically nothing. Nothing changes, I carry on, I go to the Walton Centre every few months, I tell my story to someone new and if I have symptoms that are serious enough for treatment then I get treatment. Its as simple as that really.

There are still things that I can do to help myself. Better diet, lose weight, more exercise and being content in mind, body and soul helps too.

Look on any MS forum and they all have the section about "What makes your condition worse than any other thing on the planet?" One word that keeps coming back is stress. This is a word that most people wont link to me but believe me, for a great many reasons, I feel a great deal of stress about this right now and while some of it is in my control, some of it is also out of my control so its an area where improvements could be made.

I always though this post would be longer, more profound and more explosive than it has turned out to be, but there you go. I have MS so lets get on with it.

Older and wiser!!! Well, sort of!!!

This weekend, myself and my good friend Nick Bartlett attended a 20th Anniversary re-union party for the Chesterfield High School class of 89.

When I first heard about this, I really didnt fancy it that much. I dont have the best memories of school and from what I can recall, it was mainly abuse for being either chunky, ginger, wearing NHS glasses and having a comedy name. So as you can appreciate, I was quite nervous about the whole thing. I would not have gone on my own so I put it to Nick a while ago and we made it our date!!!

In reality, we arrived and we had a great time. Everyone was so warm and friendly and geuinely interested in where you were and what you were doing. I plainly dont recall half of the people who were there but I took the time to approach these people, tell them I had no idea who they were and then systematically work through a load of questions to try and find common grounds!!! 9 out of 10 times it worked!!

It was a really good night but I made a pact with Nick to drink Guiness for the whole night and in the morning, I felt a little worse for wear!!! I was telling Nick about a host of things, all of which I had told him the night before and I had no recollection of the event!! So thats the last time I am doing that one!!!

I am quite pleased with myself about the reunion as school was a tricky time in my life for a number of reasons but on from the re-union, I think that over the years I have grown and matured a lot while retaining my mischevious side and I think that I can pretty much welcome most people from my past with a smile, a hug or a friendly handshake...perhaps some wierd demon has been exorcised!!!

Spinny & Dizzy

No, its not the name of my 2 new goldfish, its actually just another day living in this body!!!

A few times over recent weeks, I have had very slight feelings of vertigo but today I had 2 major vertigo attacks which both almost sent me onto my knees.

Firstly, I was trying to look at the underside of a control panel earlier so I was stood upright and arched over to look at it, my head disorientated as I returned upright and I had to concentrate for a moment or 2 to keep my bearings about me.

Then, about 20 minutes ago, I had to bend overt to get something out of the cupboard and a rush of blood to head left me feeling the same as previous.

I know that vertigo is a symptom associated with Neurological problems and I am sitting here feeling the same usual feeling of "is this just a passing phase or is it leading to something else?".

I haven't felt good the last few days, I have felt lethargic and tired and I had a very nasty headache last night so perhaps this is linked to that and whatever "that" is, hopefully its on its way out of me? I don't know.

I know I sound quite down a lot of the time about this but the progress of this is uncertain and its very easy to feel defeatist about it sometimes. Look at my face and I will smile for you and keep it all together, the blog was always meant to be the place where I could air my problems and I usually feel a lot better after getting things off my chest here. I just hope it works this time too.

I will keep the reader updated.....

There is never any good news.....

I haven't been at my best for the best part of the week, in fact I am harbouring a great sadness about things and feeling generally sorry for myself.

Last Friday, I went for my usual check up at the Walton Centre and as is usual, saw another Registrar who had no idea of my condition or where I had been, how long I had it or what had been done about it and I found out 2 things to upset me.

1. I had a relapse recently. I didn't consider at the time that I had experienced a relapse but based on the evidence, I must have had one. A few weeks ago I had a very light tingling in my left foot and although it was there, it didn't cause me any pain so I just left it. At the same time, I felt just a touch weaker in my left side but again ignored it as fatigue or the like. Anyway, it was a relapse and for that reason, I feel anxious that I am not immune to relapses. This is the first official relapse since all of this started so from that point of view, it shows that my original symptoms were not a "one off".
2. This is the more disturbing one. With regard to my numbness in my hands, there is nothing else to try. The last drug trial of Pregablin failed as it just caused anxiety which is worse than the numbness but what this means in reality is that there is no cure for my numb hands and basically, as far as I can see they will be with me until I die. In fact, they will probably be the reason I die!!!

On top of both of those thoughts, it was all delivered in a "matter of fact" fashion with no compassion towards how I might feel about it. It was served cold to me and I think more effort should be made towards us neuro nutters to either soften the blow or make sure that if you have to deal with a heartless registrar then you see a support worker immediately after.

I haven't felt so low about my condition for a long time and I am thankful that I am seeing the psychologist next week as at least they have some words of comfort to help.

If I ran things, no one would leave the Walton Centre feeling as empty as I did, in my work, even if I have bad news for someone, I will guarantee that I finish the conversation in a cheery manner but that is just me I suppose.

Disturbing news!!!

My word, I have found out some very shocking news this week about someone who I personally liked.

A while ago, Kerris and I started to go to the Fishermans Rest in Birkdale and sing a bit of Karaoke on a Saturday evening and since that time, the guy who ran it has held several regular spots at a few local pubs and Kerris in particular has become obsessed with Karaoke and will re-arrange pretty much anything to go and sing!!! As a side note, I haven't been for a while, Kerris has abandoned me in this and now that I was the one to get her out of her Karaoke shell, she has cast me aside to sing with others!!! But that's another story!!!

Anyway, so all is going well until we read in the Southport Visiter this week that he has been sacked from his job and is thinking of moving away from the area. This man is only a convicted sex offender and paedophile who spent 5 years in jail recently after being found guilty of messing with an 8 and a 13 year old.

He has been exposed now and will pack up his things and move on to another area where he will do the same again, get exposed and be run out of town once more.

If you don't instantly start to view someone like that in a different light then there is something wrong with you as a human and as I have thought about it my own viewpoint on the matter has changed.

First I was thinking that what he did was a monsterous act and he has served his time, possibly been rehabilitated and has as much right to earn a living as the rest of us. But now I think, what he did was monsterous, he should be punished and exposed wherever he goes and if he is naive enough to believe that you can do such a public job like Karaoke and not be recognised then you are an idiot.

You can sympathise with people who commit barbaric acts sometimes, not all murderers are evil people, some do it as revenge to someone they lost to another killer and some (rightly or wrongly) kill others who have performed evil tasks so with such acts, sympathy can sometimes be offered but anyone who decides to sexually molest any child under the age of consent, a child that could be yours or mine, deserves to spend the rest of their life paying for their crime every day until they die while the death penalty does not exist for it, more so, they should not be allowed outdoors again, they lost their right to that when they committed their crimes.

So as far as our local Karaoke bloke goes, I think he should run and keep on running and every time you settle, I hope there is someone there to recognise you and remind those around you about what a sick monster you really are.

I tried to rest, I did honest!!!

Well least night I tried to rest a little while Kerris and Jay occupied themselves in their own special ways.

I trawled through my music collection and selected 20 absolutely chilled tracks which included the likes of "Barbers Adagio For Strings", "Offshore (Chicane)" and "Fields Of Gold (Eva Cassidy)". All pretty chilled stuff I think you will agree and then I lay on the bed for the best part of any hour with my iPod immersed deeply in my ears (the ear plugs, not the iPod itself) and concentrated for an hour on nothing!!!

I didn't fall asleep, I just lay eyes closed and enjoyed the music without the need to occupy myself with any outside factors. I will be honest, when I was finished, I felt pretty damn good for doing it and even a little refreshed.

So all good hey? Well no. Kerris and I went to bed later and guess who could not settle. And then, guess who finally got out of bed at midnight for an hour so that he wasn't concentrating on a million and one reasons as to why he couldn't settle.

Finally, I last looked at the clock at 02.00 this morning and as usual, Jay appeared at 07.00 and woke us both. The difference being that Kerris has no problems getting back asleep and I do. In fact, once I wake in the morning, all I can do is concentrate on how numb or weird my hands feel after resting. So by 07.15, I am downstairs with Jay watching Rocky II on Sky movies!!!

I am prepared to not accept miracles but if resting in one way takes away rest in another then what is the benefit to me? However, I did enjoy my chilled session so I will do it some more until my night time body gets the message that there are 2 times in the day when I need to rest!!!

Selfless......

You would think that being described as selfless would be a good thing eh? You are the opposite of selfish and this would make most people think that you would be a good person to be around, especially in the event of a lottery win.

And if I were to pick 5 words to describe me, selfless would be in there alongside words like kind and reliable.

You see, I am selfless, I am every inch the selfless soul and when I read about what being selfless mean, so many boxes get ticked and to be fair, until now I thought selfless was a good thing.

That was until I started visiting the MS Psychologist........

I have issues, in fact, I have deep issues in how I go about living my life in light of my neurological problems and as previously mentioned, they are affecting the people around me so selflessly, I go to get the help I need to make the people around me feel less uncomfortable about me.

As we talked I thought I was painting this fantastic picture of Mike the Hero and I felt as though my good deeds, caring ways and constant "I'll do that" attitude would lead to a 2:1 in sanity. I was wrong, it didn't and I am far from it!!!

I want to explain this from 2 angles so hopefully you will bear with me on this. Firstly, selflessness is as bad a trait as it is good because as we all think of what the selfless man offers, it comes at a cost. The selfless man will forsake himself for the greater good. And that rings too true with me. Look at me. I am overweight, I don't dress well, I don't socialise well, I constantly miss out on things I want and put another ahead of me, I exhaust myself so that others can rest. Basically, put all of that together and you have a mess. I am a mess of a man.

Secondly, the selfless man is in a spiral, its like a drug, you feel good when you perform a selfless act but that is short lived so you perform another and another and so on until eventually, you are all selflessed out and you have no more to give because you have taken so much out from yourself that your reserves are all eaten up!!! So once you cross this threshold, you become desperate rather than selfless and your good intentions come across as misguided and overwhelming.

And in those 2 paragraphs ladies and gentlemen, you have a perfect description of me and my current state of mind.

So what is the answer? Well the answer is very simple because every single selfless person in life who was actually good at it, all had 1 thing in common...Gandhi, Mother Teresa, Princess Diana, Florence Nightingale etc, etc....they all took time out to be SELFISH every now and then. Of course they all ended up dead but that's another story.

So the current state of play is to encourage me to have "me" time and so that I can recharge and continue to be positively selfless without the destructive side of it creeping in.

That's all I want to say for the moment, I have books and leaflets to read so let me get on with it!!!

Aquilani

Just a few short entries tonight.

Yes, this is good news that we have signed a potential worldbeater on a 5 year deal but NO it is bad news that we have signed an injured player!!!

4-8 weeks before we see this guy in action!!!

Best news of the summer!!!

Lucas considers Anfield exit

http://www.skysports.com/story/0,19528,11669_5477760,00.html

I am so happy I could poo!!

MJ is not dead!!!

He is alive and well and has been spotted in Liverpool many times, this is the one that made me laugh the most!!!

Alonso

If we can get 30 million for Xabi Alonso then that is a great bit of business.

I dont hold Xabi in as high regard as some do, granted he is a great player and passer of the ball, but his lack of pace is sorely evident everytime that some races through the middle or if there is a ball to be chased.

I would also go as far as to say that if he had been sold 12 months ago as was reported to be the case this time last year, he would not have been missed either.

I dont think Liverpool would sell a player who courts such attention without another being lined up. If Inniesta turned up on Merseyside in a red shirt, I would probably go to church and thank the lord!!!

So while I am sorry to see Xabi go and I wish him all the best, its hardly a loss of Torres, Gerrard or Carragher proportions in my book. Xabi has taken part in some great games for Liverpool but I feel the quality of those around him make him look a lot better than he is so at Madrid, surrounded by Galacticos, he will fit in well.

Good luck Xabi, see you on the way to our next final.

Cyclic Grief?

This rather cryptic term what the MS Psychologist used to describe my current state of mind.

I went to the Walton Centre earlier this week and met with the MS Psychologist to begin to discuss my state of mind.

The session started like this -

MS Psychologist "Ok Michael, so you have MS"

Me "No I don't"

MS Psychologist (thinking to herself this is great, a straightforward case of denial) "Yes you do, its on your referral notes"

Me "No, I have myelitis, my notes are wrong".

MS Psychologist "Oh...."

After chatting for 10 minutes and clearing a few issues up and explaining how I feel and how I suffer from anxiety and mood swings, we got onto a better rapport.

Basically, she knows exactly what is wrong with me and I have to be honest, it makes sense. I am suffering from Cyclic Grief. You wont find much about it in Google but basically, in experiencing my problem, I have had a "loss" in my life. Loss of self confidence, loss of control, loss of hope for the future and so on.

As with any loss, just as in death if you like, there is a grieving period to get through before you finally accept your problems and deal with them.

I haven't accepted what has happened to me and this is for many reasons, I have always been told about my condition in matter of fact way and never been offered any support of closure in dealing with it so right now, I am at the "Anger & anxiety" stage of the grief process with no support mechanism to get me through it. Until now.....

I am reading through a publication that is meant to offer a few answers, I haven't found any as yet that slap me in the face but I have 2 sessions booked with the Psychologist in August to help me through this.

So I am happy that things are beginning to happen and I will of course report back as necessary!!

A Lovely Day for Kerris!!!

It was the grand occasion of my wife's birthday yesterday and for once in my life, I managed to surprise her!!

Kerris thought it was a regular trip to Liverpool for an afternoon of spending our hard earned savings, however, she did not know that secretly. I had arranged for her hairdresser to come on do her barnet, followed by a trip to Liverpool and a lovely lunch, followed by shopping, followed by booking into Malmaison hotel and an afternoon sleep, followed by a lovely meal at the Restaurant Bar & Grill, followed by a lovely sleep back at the hotel.

She seemed impressed and I am very happy I managed to keep the secret for it!!! She had a lovely time and I think lots of brownie points were earned too!!!

I hope it was a lovely birthday my love, lets see what we can do for you next year!!!

I felt at home!!!

We had a BBQ this weekend at my bosses house and the theme was "L" seen as though it was everyone from Lock-tec invited.

I chose Lederhosen and for once, I felt like I was really finding my roots!!! Kerris went as a very sexy Ladybug but her pics caused quite a stir on Facebook so out of respect, I wont publish them here!!!

Not a good feeling.....

Sometimes the blog can have a dark side, this is because I need it to think back to how things were when I look at it in the future. It is easy to put the happy and quirky stuff in but it does serve a serious purpose.

I was in tears earlier today. Its not easy seeing a grown man cry but I was so upset that I could not hold back. I had just ranted at Kerris about the behaviour of the kids and made it clear that I thought she was to blame.

This was completely unfair, and very untrue also, Kerris is the best mum to the kids and has a very laid back approach with them where I am more of a drill Sergeant when they get boisterous.

Anyway, I was wrong, I apologised and shortly afterwards broke down telling Kerris that I hated myself and I needed help.

Seeing the MS Psychologist next week will be the first step and today Kerris and I talked about my nature and how my neurological problems are affecting me in a way that nothing else has ever affected me before.

To briefly explain. A few years ago, I knew where I was, what I was doing, how I felt, how I would feel in six months and I had no fears for the future. I could handle that, it was clear and concise, life was either black or white.

Then, out of nowhere, I begin to have my neurological problems and things change. Scary words like MS are mentioned and suddenly life is full of uncertainty. At the moment, I feel like I don't know where I am or what I am doing or how indeed I will be in a few months, life is very unclear, its grey rather than black and white, I feel a lot of anger with myself for not coping well with it and worst of all, when it raises its ugly head I react to the people around me, the people who love me, in unpredictable ways. And then my anger turns to self hate and that's basically where the Psychologist will hopefully offer some support.

People will tell me, "why worry about what hasn't happened" and "live for the day" but mostly I tend to find that those people aren't suffering from a potentially life altering neurological condition.

Kerris hugged me, told me I was a good and helpful person and that she and the kids love me and after a while, I started feeling better.

Maybe I am expecting too many miracles next week but since this whole thing happened, I have had no support, well that's a lie, I have had the support of Kerris and my family, but I have had no professional support and I made a promise to Kerris that I would take it for all its worth and I will change. I don't say that likely, I want to change and I need to change and if it kills me doing so, at least I tried to change. There is no grey here, which is good for me, its black and white.

If you want help you have to fight for it!!!

I have several issues with the Walton Centre which is the place I visit every now and then so that I can review my symptoms and see how they are going etc.

Firstly and most importantly, you never see the same person twice. I am sure they do this on purpose as they have a thick file of notes and spend your 20 minute consultation treading over your history. For gods sake, adopt the personal banker attitude and get some familiarity going!!

Secondly, what you ask for rarely happens. I have just spent 15 minutes on the phone trying to progress a referral from my last visit to see an MS Psychologist. In the end, it appears that the referral was never taken any further and I am now being offered an appointment that really doesn't suit me but I will take it as I need to see this Messiah who has all the answers to the questions spinning in my head.

So next Tuesday at 3.45 I am booked into the Walton Centre Neuropsychology department to hopefully get advice on how to cope with how I feel. Kerris and I had a tiny chat about something like this today, it seems that 3-4 years ago my head was clear and I knew where I was going, how I was feeling and what I was going to do. Since then, all this has occurred which has shaken me to the core, spun my emotions and general wellbeing around at 100Mph and I am getting to the point where I really feel that I am doing no favours to those who love me.

So I hope this will be the first step to fighting back against it. I have said it before, I feel in limbo permanently and no support is being offered from a medical point of view naturally so you have to ask for it instead, then you have to chase it down and come next Tuesday, I will probably be sat in the hospital counselling myself. Lets wait and see!!!

Joy to the world!!!

Well here is some happy and exciting news for a change, well it is for me anyway.

Back in May, I weighed myself and was shocked to find myself over the 18st mark, this was disgraceful and I am ashamed of it as since a dropped a stone or two a couple of years ago following this picture in the local paper I have kept the weight off, its not ideal but it stayed off!!!

Anyway, so in May I went on a secret diet, I didn't want to tell anyone I was doing it, I would just gradually reduce my intake of food and see where it went. And so in accordance with the prophecy, the weight began to fall.

Now the only good thing about Kerris being away on holiday twice is that I have managed to do really well in those weeks, so much so that when she returned from Halkidiki a couple of weeks ago, I was excited to tell her that I was no longer in the 17st bracket and at the last weigh in, I was 16st 13lbs.

Then she went to Ibiza with the kids and this was a great chance to drop so more weight and subsequently on weighing myself on Saturday morning, I was down to 16st 8lbs which is the lightest I have been in over 10 years.

The next bit of good news was that I needed a new pair of jeans so I tried some on in ASDA while shopping today and they fitted beautifully, whats more, the waist was 36" which left me astonished!!! I actually dropped a size in jeans!!! Then I thought, well lets try a shirt and I got into an XL that fitted nicely too so I am overjoyed with myself!!! So much that I bought a cake!!!

So there we guys, the difference is now that I am enjoying this and getting on well with it so I will keep you posted on how it goes. Now how many more holidays can I get Kerris and the kids on before the summer ends!!!

It's not easy being me!!!

The last 2 days, I have been absolutely tired, lethargic and generally battered. I was in bed early last night and as soon as I have finished posting this, I will be in bed again!!!

The best explanation Kerris can come up with is "It's all catching up on you".

I am not sold on that. I am still young, relatively energetic and I have never been one to need a huge amount of early nights or rest to function. Some days I just wake up and I know from that moment that I am going to struggle through the day.

So another explanation that Kerris offers is "It's because you have a neurological condition".

So I dont know which way to turn on this. I hate the fact that this happens to me but it never usually lasts 2 days. If this is a sign of things to come then it wont take much of this to utterly depress me.

Maybe I am caught in the middle right now. I was lonely when Kerris was away, and now she is back but on her way off again and I dont really feel good about losing her for another week again. I think that all of that going on in my head could mentally exhaust me but if that is the case, its never happened to me before.

Perhaps I am working too hard, or maybe its the case that I am not working too hard but the everyday stress of dealing with what we put up with on a daily basis is starting to grind me down some.

Maybe I am frustrated with myself for a list of reasons as long as your arm and that is taking its toll in this way?

Whatever it is, I think sleep right now is the key and will continue to be so until this phase passess. I hate the way I feel right now and I dont want it to continue so please, when I wake in the morning, please let me feel a little more like Mike.

Farewell Thunder!!!

Kerris and I have just returned from a lovely night in Sheffield where we saw our favourite band Thunder for what may very be the last time.

This was the farewell tour, 20 years and out, and the concert was superb. We had great seats, front row on the balcony, and the band sounded fantastic.

I don't trust Thunder though. For me, there was something about the show that said to me....we will return!! Just as they did 5 years ago when the called it a day last time. The show was a standard Thunder gig, lots of clapping and singing and at the end, a quick mention that this was goodbye and exit stage left pretty quickly. I am sure we haven't seen the back of Thunder as a live act and that can only be a good thing!!!

For those who want to know what the fuss is about, watch the clips below from the show last night and behold one of the finest voices in rock. I cannot see this man hanging up his vocal chords just yet.

So thanks for the millions of gigs that I have attended Thunder, you have been fab and hopefully I can see you again real soon!!!

Owen

I just heard the news about our former boy wonder and the fact he chose to go to United shows that there is nothing more to this man than money. If you are in it for money then fine, but a lot of players are in it for the adulation and respect of the fans and I never thought that this Judas truly had that in his Liverpool career.

I havent had a good word to say about Owen since his last season at Liverpool. He ran his contract down to zero so that Liverpool, the club who made him European Player Of The Year, got 8 million out of what today would have been a Ronaldo-esque transfer sum.

Perhaps Owen is finally pulling on the right red shirt? Part of me sees this as a marriage of convenience, Owen is using it thinking of his transfer on from United and that sets him in a different league against being transferred out of Hull, Wigan or Stoke and on the other hand, Ferguson needs forwards and for 3 months of the season, Owen will do things for him.

Michael, I hope you are not on the team sheet when they visit Anfield because I cannot think of a worse player to make a worse move. It will be a cauldron of hatred. Mind you, I bet the £100.000.00 plus per week you get more than makes up for that eh?

Withered!!!

Like the flower you see above, tired of the heat, the summer and the lack of water. This perfectly describes me after my week without Kerris!!!

You see, the week has been pretty good really. Luca and Jay have been well behaved and I even got a night out somewhere in the middle of it but one thing has taken its toll on me and that is the lack of rest I have had during the week. Specifically, the lack of sleep!! I just have not slept well without Kerris and while looking after the kids and the house has been a relative pleasure, lack of sleep takes it toll. I reckon that most nights I have had 5 hours. Even on Saturday when I was out with Nick and got to bed with a skin full of beer and pizza at 03.00 I was awake at 09.00.

Then last night the Thunder came!!! Well it didn't actually pass overhead but it was near enough to make a few loud bangs and some spectacular lightening bolts. I was awake because I knew "any minute now" Jay would wake and jump in bed with me which he did but not until an hour and a half into it. So last night, 2 hours sleep!!

I will let you in on 2 reasons why I think I havent slept well and they will give you a small insight into my workings.

1 - I am not good on my own. I need company, I need to wake up next to Kerris and fall asleep in the same bed as her and even though most nights she will watch her TV programmes and we wont utter too many words, she is there and therefore she is company. I am no good on my own!!!

2 - Slightly deeper this one. A whole load of "What Ifs" came into my head. What if I wake and my symptoms have flared and I cant get out of bed. What if I fall over and break a leg, who will look after the kids. What if I have a spaz attach and knock myself out on the basin? All very improbable things on their own but being on my own makes me think those thoughts!!!

So there you go, an easy week if you can sleep but a bugger of week if you are me!!! I cant wait for Kerris to return, my face will light up when I spot her coming into the terminal tomorrow. I love that woman and that's all there is to it. Without her I am 30% me, with her I will be 100% and in the future I will always let her have a break away if she needs it but I will miss her like mad and count the hours to her return. I love you Kerris K Kitten!!! XXX

Jay, the toothless wonder!!!

Bring on the tooth fairy, there is a new kid losing teeth in town.

5 years, 6 months, 14 days, 2 hours and 47 minutes after he first arrived with us, Jay has lost his first tooth!!! Bless him, he is ecstatic!!! He immediately put the tooth under his pillow and when he returned, it was gone!!! The tooth fairy works fast these days eh!! The fairy has not been back with money yet but in these times of economic downturn, I am sure the tooth must be banked before the release of any equity!!!

Then it all got a bit overshadowed as I spotted he had used a green marker to draw on his carpet and I opened a huge can of whoop on his tiny ass but all the same, its a time for Jay to be happy still!!!

Smile!!!!

Its OK, I am not dead!!!

I just wanted to thank the legion of people who took the time today to text me to ask if I had died following the news of my namesake passing to the other side.

As you can gather it wasn't me and I am not dead.

It brings me onto thinking about the unique relationship I have with Michael Jackson, just by sharing his name, or my name as the case may be. You see from a very early age, I started to get stick on a daily basis about my name and in my younger years, names did hurt and on the odd occasion, I was genuinely upset at taking the brunt of his antics.

As I grew, the name had less of an effect on me and I realised that in fact, this albatross of a name had given me the strength to take any form of verbal abuse on the chin and never rise to it. Much as people loved to taunt me, I have never risen or lashed out in anger because of it.

I got a little older and I began to realise I could use the name to my advantage, as a sales person, you use any trick you can to get in front of people and a lot of times my name actually got me through a door, usually into a torrent of stick but by this time it was water off a ducks back.

Then, a few years ago, everything took a dive again as he faced child abuse allegations. The level of verbal taunting towards me was taken to a new level and this time it had a cruel and uncomfortable side to it. Since that point, any stick has generally been about child abuse and the torrent of text message jokes that I received today reflected that fact.

So now, every time I turn up somewhere in future, I will get "I thought you were dead" which is better than "Hide the kids" so the legacy will remain with me for life.

A few years ago, I wondered if anyone would ever try and sue Mr Jackson for emotional trauma due to sharing the same name as him. I think in America, you could make a case out of it but now we will never know.

In summing up, am I sad he has died? Yes, I have a little sympathy for him as he was obviously misunderstood but did himself no favours. I have long gotten over being spiteful of my name and I have grown to love it over the years and I cant imagine suiting any other name better. So reluctant as I am to say it, Michael Jackson, RIP.

Happy Birthday Mum!!!

Today, Nanny June celebrates her birthday, she is the same age as Elton John, David Bowie, Alan Sugar and Glenn Close so she is in some good company there!!!

My main PC is playing up at the moment so I cannot put a photo of her up here so instead, I hope you approve that I provided a link to watching Liverpool FC beat Man Utd 4-1 earlier this year!!!

Happy Birthday Mum!!! We all love you lots!!! XXXXX

Sports Day!!!

Jay does it again!!! For the 3rd (or it may be the 4th) successive year in a row, he went out there and won his races like the star he is!!! Below you will see the wonders of the Skipping Race and the Flat Race.

Sorry about the quality of the footage, it was taken using my phone as Kerris has taken the camera on holiday with her and Luca has lost the charger for my old camera!!! Anyway, we survived!!!

Well done Jay!!!

All by myself.....and the kids!!!

Kerris has left me....

Well, Kerris has left me and the kids back home while she has a lovely holiday in Greece with her friend Marie.

Originally, I told Kerris that we couldn't really afford to go on hols this year as a family and that if there was a chance then she should go with her mate as I know she cannot function without some sun related action every summer!!!

So feeling like the saint I am, I gave her my blessing and now she has gone for a week and to be honest, I think its not going to be too bad on me!!! I am 24 hours into it and my energy is high and I feel good about the fact that I can do the school run, cooking, cleaning, washing and general housekeeping. I think that Kerris makes it all up being hard work (cue an argument on her return!!!).

So here I am fighting fit but counting the days until next Thursday when Kerris comes back. If you are reading this Kitten, I hope its hot, sunny and you are having a lovely time. If you could just miss me a little as well then that would balance it all out too!!!

Greatest lines in songs ever!!!

I was having a chat with Kerris this weekend about songs which have lines in them that are either meaningful, funny or just damn strange!!! It led me to think of my top 5 greatest lines in songs ever, so here they are in no particular order!!!

• "And computer terminals report some gains in the value of copper and tin" - Nothing Ever Happens - Del Amitri
• "I hang my head and I advertise, a soul for sale or rent" - Save Me - Queen
• "It was a cigarette break, and I was gasping, I saw her pushing a wheelbarrow. She said "you got a match" and I said "Yes", "My cock, and farmer Giles' prize winning marrow" - English Country Garden - The Darkness
• "I guess what I'm trying to say is whose life is it anyway? Because living, living is the best revenge you can pay" - Blood Runs Cold - Def Leppard
• "And when I feel my life is falling down, I'm lifted up when I see your face" - Beautiful Day - ME!!!

So there you have it, great and inspired lyrics. They wont change the world or stop the icecaps from melting but they make me smile when I hear them.

Happy Birthday Dad!!!

Here he is, 1 man and his broken car!!! Constantly striving to make it get from A-B with whichever used or broken replacement part he can get his hands on to do the job!!!

Yes, today, my Dad would have turned 62 and wherever you are and whatever you are doing, have a good one and we miss you and love you.

I think for today, I will recall a mechanically related memory of Dad.

A long time ago, when I was in my mid-teens, Andy brought home a motorbike. I think it was Russian and called a "CZ". I don't know where it came from or how much money exchanged hands for it but whatever it was, it was too much as I never saw it work.

Anyway, hindsight is a glorious thing and at such a young age, I was not prepared to accept this fact so 1 day in the school holiday, me and my mate Soffe were running the bike up and down the entry at the back of Milton Road in the vain hope that it would jump start to life.

Dad used to come home for lunch from the tannery back then and he wandered out back to see what progress Soffe and I had made. Assessing the situation, Dad pointed out that we would never get it working.

I asked why? Did he have some nugget of information that would help? Were we missing the blatantly obvious?

The answer....."Because its F**ked".

No more needed to be said!!!

Happy Birthday Dad, lets see what I can conjure up next year!!!

Not a lot....

I know I havent updated the blog too much of late and I worry sometimes that I have lost the will to keep it going.

Its not that I dont have anything to write about because I do, however, I am really sensitive about writing too much about situations as I feel in some cases, I might compromise those around me.

One thing I have learnt since joining Lock-tec has been when the time is right to keep your mouth shut. My boss Glen, lovely fella, is so cautious about what he says, when he says it and whom he says it too and I used to find it a little infuriating when I was working alongside Glen as a supplier. Now that I am one of the team, I fully understand his nature and time and time again there have been occasions where much as it would have been great to spout ones mouth off and put all and sundry to rights, its been a whole lot better to keep ones voice down and not spout off. I think this has passed over onto the blog in some small way.

I would love to tell you about the delicate and intricate relationships with customers and suppliers and the daily toil whereby myself and a colleague now say "well at least today was only a bad day, we can handle that". On reflection, you dont know who reads this and who then goes onto tell another what they have read so to protect all parties, I keep my mouth shut over such issues now.

I would never dream of that at Ingersoll Rand or Onyx so I think that the fact I keep a lid on what my job entails is a huge compliment to what we do in Lock-tec.

Anyway, there should be a fair bit to scribble over the next few weeks, we have birthdays, holidays, sports days, more holidays, isolation and medication to look forward too.

I think what I am saying is, all the exciting and compelling stuff happens in work and sod all else happens to me outside of work and I dont want to write too much about that so lets try and refocus on the daily stuff instead!!!

Brain Surgery

Every now and then, I see a sketch on a comedy show that really appeals to me and we have recently started watching That Mitchell & Webb Look and I caught this gem. I don't know what you sense of humour is but this really tickled me!!!!

Happy Anniversary Mike & Kerris!!!

Its hard to believe that it was 5 years ago today that Kerris and I tied the knot. I know a lot has changed in this short time but my love for Kerris is as strong now (if not just a touch stronger) than it was back then and while we are not exactly living a carefree life of luxury, I am truly grateful for what I have and it keeps me going whenever I have to face any hardship in my life.

It was a wonderful day, sunny and warm, set in a tranquil location of Shorrocks Hill and to this day, I am sure that everyone felt that we looked after them and that the day was a happy one shared by all.

Looking back, all the kids have grown up so much, friends have come and gone but life goes on and I am happy we shared our special day with everyone.

Just for a change, lets roll out my song and have a moment to consider the words and that lady I wrote them for and remind Kerris once more that I love her and she is the most special and fantastic wife and friend that I could ever have hoped for.

I love you Kerris, Happy Anniversary my love XXX.

Oh Sami, Sami.......

I am sad to learn that Sami Hyppia's time at Anfield is coming to an end when he leaves us in the summer to join Bayern Leverkusen.

Sami has been an astonishing defender for Liverpool. Well placed amongst the likes of Hansen, Lawrenson, Carragher and Hysen!!!

I am proud to have witnessed his Anfield career and I hope there is a place in the coaching staff for Sami when he hangs his boots up.

Leverkusen are getting a legend, still capable of putting in a class display. Anyone who saw him roll the years back earlier this season (you know when we got to the top of the Premiership with points to spare) stepping alongside Jamie when both Skyrtel and Agger were injured would know that.

Good luck Sami, thanks for the memories, the goals (one such against Juve at Anfield that stands out) and thanks for being a player that I can tell my kids and grand kids all about.

Good luck and if for any reason you face us before you retire....let a few past you!!!

A very long and stressful week.

I dont want another week like this one has been for a very long time.

I try to keep personal and business opinions apart as saying the wrong thing could get you and your working life into a lot of trouble but since 08.00 on Monday morning to 17.30 on Friday afternoon working 11 hour days in between, last week was one long nightmare!!!

Like I say, I wont go in details. We have a product, installed in sizable quantities on 2 sites and we had problems as both sites went live that took until the best part of Thursday afternoon to find the root cause.

All along the way, our company Lock-tec were under huge pressure to resolve the issues and we could not abandon the sites and had to be seen to be there, doing, testing, trouble shooting and resolving while all the while not looking flustered about the situation which was cutting us up within!! Yes, it was that big!!!

Anyway, come 17.30 yesterday, we leave the second site resolved and working well.

In betwixt all of this, yours truly was stressed to the hilt, taking abuse and giving it back in certain circumstances (very unlike me) and these sites were sizable developments and I must have walked about 4 miles per day working around them.

The good news is though, my legs held up!!! Not a fantastical achievement for the normal man but for me, the left side has been very week when walking over the last few years so I am happy that has eased a little but by no means does this present a cure, it still lets me know that its not happy.

The effect of the week, stress and aggravation has manifested itself by leaving me feel weak and unbalanced on my left side a little. So this weekend, a good rest (didnt tell you I was awake most of last night did I) a bit of gardening and a little less stress would be nice.

Lets see eh!!!

Sutton Manor Knob...I mean Dream!!!

You know sometimes you see something and then you have to look again to make sure you saw it correctly? Well this morning, this very thing happened to me.

I left the M57 at Tarbuck Island and headed east towards the M6. Alongside the motorway between junctions 7-8, something new and large loomed on the horizon. My instant thought was...its a huge knob!!! I even had to call my mate Nick as I was in shock at it.

Following some Internet research, its part of the Channel 4 Big Art Project and It turns out to be the sculpture above.

The artist is a genius, look at this narrow sculpture from the motorway and you can only see the part above the eyes, forget that you now know its a face and you have, a giant knob.

Perhaps that's just what I see though? I urge you to visit it and I urge you to comment too!!!

191 years notice.....

Here is a pic taken with my mobile phone that made me smile. This is on the Runcorn Expressway on the way to the Runcorn Bridge and its nice of Halton Borough Council Road Maintenance to give us 191 years notice of a bridge closure.....

Hillsborough - 20 Years On.....

Today marks the 20th anniversary of the tragic happenings on F A Cup Semi Final Day back in 1989.

I remember it well, I was watching it unfold live on telly at a house on Manor Road in Crosby where myself and my friend Roy Evans had stopped by.

I was 16 at the time and although I dont remember much from my youth, I remember Hillsborough and the aftermath clearly.

To be honest, it had little direct effect on me but when I came back into school I realised quickly that I had friends who were at the game and friends who knew people who had died on that day so its true to say that almost everyone in the Liverpool area was affected by it in some way.

On from there, the justice campaign set about ensuring that the people to blame for the accident were made accountable and as a reflection of how things work in the UK, it still continues today.

All I wanted to say was that on that day, 96 people died for no good reason. 96 people who were just doing what they loved, seeing the team that made them happy lost their lives at what should have been a great game. I had been seeing Liverpool at Anfield around that time and it strikes me that from standing on the Kop, these people were no different from me and just doing the thing they loved.

So today at 3.06PM, while I hold my own personal 2 minutes of silence, I will be putting aside the whys and wherefores of how the accident came to happen and I will be remembering the 96 people who just wanted to watch some football and follow their team and lost their lives in such a tragic way.

Tactically speaking....

Sometimes I just dont get Benitez.

You will never see a more bizarre game of football as you saw at Stamford Bridge last night and on several occasions, it looked like we might just pull it off.

However, once Chelsea scored 2 goals, it could not go to extra time so I ask myself why you would not throw on all your attacking options at that point and go for shear number of goals.

I am quite good at second guessing Benitez, I usually get his substitutions correct with the exception that I see them after 5 minutes rather than 67 but sometimes I just dont get the man at all!!!

I think now its best that Man Utd beat Porto tonight after extra time and penalties and then beat Everton at the weekend after extra time and penalties too. I want them to play as many drawn out games as possible so that they are knackered for the title run in and slip up a few more times. Liverpool only have the Premiership to concentrate on now and so we should be as fresh as you can be in this run in.

Come on United!!!!

Jay the 2 wheeled wonderboy!!!

There are some moments that need to be shared and this is one of them!!! Here we see young Jay taking to 2 wheels almost (!) effortlessly.

I think there are skills that can only be passed from one man to another and the same can be said for all those years ago when I met Luca and went on to get him onto 2 wheels too.

Its a very proud moment, he has trouble pushing off and cannot turn a circle yet but by the end of this week, with a little fine tuning from his Mum, he will be a master!!!

Just as another point, note the HQ feature on the You Tube video here. My new camera records of a format that You Tube likes and by selecting the HQ option, you can see the video as it was uploaded as apposed the to the sometimes grainy You Tube format.

Terrorvision

I went to see Terrorvision on Thursday evening in Manchester at the Academy with my mates Nick and Bally and it was a special show to celebrate 15 years since the release of the CD you see above.

I have actually read the Dale Carnegie book "How To Make Friends...." and its a pile of worthless poo!!!

The CD however, is a modern classic filled with energy busting silly pop songs that offer more volume and guitars than most bands of today can summon.

Anyway, the show was great, they played the album in a track listing order, took a break, and then came back for another 7-8 songs. In Terrorvision terms, this is a long show as the sheer energy required to perform this stuff only lends itself to being kept up for about an hour live!!!

It was also nice to see, and swiftly not become part of, a classic mosh pit!!! Nick and I exited stage left, I fear for my safety these days but we lost Bally only to find him at the end of the show sweating from head to toe....I think he made a few friends!!!

It was good to see you Terrorvision, its been a long time and a long journey. Your lead singer may look a lot like Frank Gallagher from Shameless but you still have what it takes to rock the house your own way!!!

Fatigue.

This week, I have been very tired.

If indeed I have what we all think I have then fatigue is the most common symptom of it. It didnt take me very long to look it up with regard to MS and to say that every word was spot on was an understatement. I quote -

More than anything, the fatigue that comes with multiple sclerosis (MS) is what makes one a member of the “MS club”: Virtually all of us experience it (experts estimate 85 to 95 percent) and people that do not have multiple sclerosis have never experienced the “special” nature of MS-related fatigue. Moreover, it is an invisible symptom, unlike a limp or a tremor. It is often difficult to get sympathy or understanding for this type of problem, even though fatigue can be the most debilitating part of having MS.

While everyone experiences “being tired” occasionally, the fatigue associated with MS has certain characteristics, including:

• Occurring daily
• May be present in the morning, even after a good night’s sleep
• Worsens as the day progresses
• Aggravated by heat and humidity
• Comes on suddenly
• More severe than normal fatigue and more likely to interfere with daily life
• Feeling of heaviness in arms and legs
• Difficulty concentrating
• Vertigo or dizziness
• Headaches
• Flu like symptoms
• Depression

So I look at that and so much of it rings true for me. I think about this week and I have started most days with a tired feeling, I have progressed through the day and found it difficult to concentrate on tasks because I am thinking more about being tired than what I am doing. Then, I have faced a few technical problems this week on jobs and found the troubleshooting process to be a struggle.

Sometimes, I wish that I could just climb back into bed but I do know that rest is not necessarily the cure. There have been times when I have collapsed in bed and slept like a baby only to wake the next day with a near hangover.

When I feel like this I just try and get on with my day and hope I keep going until a decent hour when I can go to bed. If I sleep in the afternoon then I feel as if I wont sleep at night so its best to keep my sleep pattern as regular as I can. I know that when I am like this, it is reflected in my mood too, I know people can tell a mile off when I suffer from fatigue and only with time will I learn how best to deal with it.

I have so many questions and not many answers. I am looking forward to the referral to the MS Psychologist as I think this person can help me.

I think I am still quite naive about all that has happened so far. I keep waiting for the next thing to happen while at the same time hoping it stays at bay for many years to come.

Kerris has a belief in life that before you arrive here (from wherever you were before you existed), you or your soul set yourself goals and tasks to attain to and challenge you. The most developed souls come to earth time and time again to test themselves in ever more elaborate ways, choosing a life of hardship and disease. If there is any truth in it then I can relate to myself as being quite a developed soul I reckon. There are 2 things it would really strike true on. The first would be the unpredictability of all this as I am an organised person who needs to know what is going on and when. So slamming me with something unpredictable kicks that one right into touch. The second is that I spend a lot of time looking after others. There are very few tasks in life where I let someone else do something for me and while some are mundane like insisting on ironing my own shirts or cooking the evening meals, I like to ease other peoples burdens and I am good at it. So potentially having a disease where ultimately I would need to rely on others would be a hard thing for me to cope with. In doing so, I am challenging myself and therefore must be a developed soul!!!

I might be on Google Maps soon!!!

Unless you have been living under a rock, you cant help but notice that the good people of Google are getting quite good at mapping the world.

Their latest innovation is Google StreetView which is the mapping of the UK from a street level. The user can then view a 360 degree panorama of possibly anywhere in the UK.

Well there I was today, happily driving into Northwich when I spotted the Google Maps survey vehicle with its 360 degree camera on a very large tripod on its roof.

It was coming out of a side road and as it turned left, I was immediately in front of it for about 300 yards so therefore I am assuming I will appear on Google sometime.

To be more exact, I was here!!! When the streetview gets added to the map, mine is the black Mondeo estate!!!


View Larger Map

Birthday!!

On Sunday I turned the ripe old age of 36. I am now nearer to 40 than I was to 30. Somehow, that seems old!!!

Anyway, its been a weird weekend as my birthday, in the nicest possible way, was not celebrated.

On Saturday, we went to a surprise 60th birthday party for our good friend John Muir at Tree Tops in Formby and a nice time was had by all. Most of all, John was surprised!!

On Sunday, we went to the 50th Wedding Anniversary party for Kerris's Mum & Dad and again, a very nice time was again had by all.

Somewhere in the middle of all that, I had my birthday and I am not fussed for one moment that my day wasn't about me for once!! We had a great time and compared to people making their 60th year and people who were married 14 years before I surfaced, my 36th doesn't feel like such a big deal.

Anyway, I got a decent haul as always -

• A new digital camera (from Kerris)
• Star Wars Lego boxer shorts with go faster Jedi Knight logo (from the boys)
• Guitar Hero belt strap (from my brother Andy)
• A nice blue T-shirt (from Mum)
• Some cash to buy new trainers (from Mum & Dad in laws!!)

So I am more than happy with my birthday, whats next? Oh yeah, 37!!!

Check up.....

I went to the Walton Centre today to see how I am doing and came away frustrated more than anything.

I have been there 3 times now, each occasion I have seen a different person and each occasion I go through my history as to what has worked and what has not worked.

Today I discussed a few things namely

• Numb hands
• Bladder control
• Depression

With regards to the numb hands, I am being prescribed Vigrablin which is another in a long line of anti epilepsy drugs that probably wont work. I will take it though, apparently it is the case there are loads of drugs to try, some work and some dont, its just trying to find the right one.

With regards to bladder control, I dont really have a problem here. Sometimes I get the urge and need to go straight away and sometimes I wake in the night desperate for the loo. I got an ultrasound of my bladder done and its emptying at acceptable levels so there are no problems there.

Depression is a new one. Well its new in the fact that I admit I am suffering with it at some level. Sometime I wake tired and lethargic and I am a pain to be around. I dont know how to deal with it and neither does Kerris so admitting you could do with some professional help is a fair step to dealing with the problem. I am being refereed to an MS Psychologist for some advice so hopefully something good will come of this.

So I booked another appointment for 4 months down the road and I think I need to go better prepared. I am going to make a brief history to carry around so that I can refer to it if needed. Finally, recording all this in the blog seems worthwhile!!

I met a lady at the Walton Centre that I used to work with about 12 years ago. Marianne was diagnosed with MS and when I knew her, she was fine and occasionally used a stick for balance. She is not much older than me. However, seeing her today broke my heart for her. She seemed small and frail and is confined to a wheelchair. I was talking to her very briefly as I got called in but I had a longer chat with her husband who has now given up work to care for her. I felt so sorry for them, Marianne is a girl who meant no harm to anyone and seeing her like that just doesnt seem fair. She seems to be upbeat though and its nice to see that in someone. While I was talking to her husband I mentioned my hands and he said...."Oh yeah, thats how Marianne started".

I dont think I need to tell you about the effect that has had on me do I? I dont try and hide the fact that whatever I have scares the living daylights out of me on a daily basis but whatever will be will be and its my job to be strong throughout it and face it with a positive attitude, I just wish I was better prepared to do so.

Before anyone gets too worried though, I am OK, I promise!!!

Hospital!!!

Well people, I have managed to avoid being admitted to hospital for nearly 36 years but unfortunately, last night, that great record was broken!!

We went for a lovely meal at our friends Nick & Alison. Nick cooked up a storming hot Thai Red Curry. Very nice!!!

Before I carry on Nick, I hold you in no way responsible for this!!! I think it was going to happen anyway and the chilli kick accelerated it!!!

So at about 10.30PM, I start getting some mild stomach pains, by midnight and on arriving home I was in a fair amount of abdominal discomfort.

For the next 2 hours, things got progressively worse, I had a little diarrhoea and I was so uncomfortable with pain everywhere!!! Worse still, when terror attacks, my ongoing symptoms increase and my numb, cold and pins & needles affected hands turned themselves way beyond 10!!!

So at 2.30PM, I wake Kerris and within 15 minutes we are in here Mum and Dads car on the way to Southport A&E. On arrival, I checked in and promptly puked my guts all over the gents toilets. This kind of soothed me for a while but soon I was back to discomfort again.

My chest was tight too and they were worried that this could be heart related so I was wired up to a heart machine and had some blood taken.

As it transpired, my heart and bloods are all fine, as is my blood pressure (well for a man of my size anyway) and they administered a fair amount of Morphine to me and I sank into a lovely dazy coma for the next few hours.

Kerris needs a special mention, here is a woman who had a lovely night prior to being woken by me and performed magnificently even though she was probably fighting the effects of a little too much wine. In the brief periods between 3.30AM and 7.00AM where I came out of my coma, she was there to offer me a smile and some support. This woman just keeps getting better for me. I have so much admiration for you Kerris and I think you need to be reminded of that every now and then!!

Anyway, at 7.00AM I was moved to the Observation Ward and Kerris finally had a comfier chair and I slept some more until 9.00AM when the jolly consultant came round and, although I was still in some fair abdominal pain, gave me a clean bill of health and sent me home offering no insight into what happened!!!

So tomorrow AM, I am off to my GP and insisting on getting a camera shoved into my gullet to see whats going on. I had something similar a few months ago and it eased off before any mention of a hospital was made. So just in case something is brewing in there, I want to keep on top of it as I dont want a night like that again.

Over the course of the day, more sleep and feeling a lot more comfortable now. Medicine has no comparison to Liverpool slamming the Villa 5-0 though...game on!!!

Grass.

Every year it happens and every year it fails!!! Once again this morning for the umpteenth time in umpteen years I purchased a fork and took to the grass with the same optimism that comes over me at this time every year in the slim hope that I can get some grass growing once again in the garden!!!

As you can see, its gonna be a tough old job but this year I have gotten onto it earlier than previous and I dont usually fork the whole thing.

I buried that fork as far as it would go and lifted until the top soil cracked every time. Then I watered, then I put on the "I Guarantee Your Grass Will Grow" compound and then I watered again to let it begin to dissolve in.

Finally, I banned the children from the grass for at least a couple of days.

Next week, I will be doing the tried and trusted sowing of hard wearing grass seed beneath the trampoline tactic that has been employed in recent years.

This year things might not happen but I have made the decision to make the ground better for next year now!!!

Nothing like my optimism is there!!!

I think that every Liverpool fan should make every effort possible on the internet to rub the noses of those dazed and confused mancs in the preverbial brown stuff.

I have watched this so many times now and as Ron Burgondy would say "in no way is it depressing!!".

Spring.....

Here is the kiss of death for the recent good weather....

It really has felt like spring in the last few days. In the short amount of time I have spent outdoors, the sun shone down and I could actually feel heat on my face.

Any longer and I would be sun burnt!!! Good job my moisturiser has SPF15 then!!!

Anyway, I used to be a fan of winter as, with my colouring, I can never enjoy the heat of summer and so any other season suits me just fine!!!

However, this year, I am glad to see the back of the biting cold as it has an effect on my condition.

To put it into context, its well documented on the blog that I have permanent numb hands with pins and needles going on. When the hand is numb it also feels cold too. Put this cold, numb hand into action on a day where the temperature struggles to rise above 3 degrees and its a cold feeling the like of which you cant imagine!!!

The best way to describe it is imagine that you are throwing snowballs without gloves. After a while, you hand becomes numb with cold. That, I would suggest is a similar feeling!!!

So bring on the spring and also the summer and autumn because I no longer like winter and I want to feel warm again...at least in the hands anyway!!!

I have been robbed!!

You know sometimes that things just look different and then you look again and you spot what the difference is? Well this happened to me this morning as I got in my car to drop Jay off at school.

In the drivers footwell was a wrapper of some delicious food stuff consumed last week and also a coke bottle. The thing is, I didn't put them there.

On closer inspection, it soon became apparent that my car had been visited by someone that was not me and items were missing.

Its a long story but I brought some PC equipment home to work on as we are on site using it tomorrow. It was 3 large boxes and while Kerris was out on Saturday night I set it all up in the lounge and had a good play.

The next day, Nick and Cara came to stay and I didnt have anywhere else to put the boxes so I put them back in the car.

On Sunday morning, I used the car to collect the kids from Nanny June where they had stayed and didnt notice anything different about it then so it must have happened on Sunday evening.

I will have to admit that I must have left the car unlocked on the drive as there is no sign of forced entry and the bizzare thing is that whoever got into the car, had a good root about and only took the monitor. There was a PC alongside the monitor and they only took the monitor!!! This person must have been either in a hurry, disturbed or on foot.

Anyway so this morning I realise whats happened. I have reported it to the Police now and they are coming to dust the car for dabs!!! I feel a bit foolish for leaving the car the way I did but nothing like this has happened before.

Anyway, I have an idea who did it and if they find any prints on the car, I might just mention a name.....

Afternoon Delight!!

Here is another treat for you!!!

We had a great night last night, my friends Nick & Cara came up to Southport and we had a lovely evening that was topped off by a visit to our local "The 'Fish" for a spot of Karaoke!!!

The Fish is a great place, I am no snob (I dont think so anyway) but I am lucky enough to live in a nice part of Southport. However, our local is one of the grottiest pubs you could ever visit and Karaoke night is straight out of Phoenix Nights!!!


Anyway, we had a lot of fun singing and watching the locals perform too. Kerris and I want to perfect "Afternoon Delight" seen as though the scene in the movie "Anchorman" has had a profound effect on us!!! Here is a taster of it for you!!! If my voice sounds funny, its because I cracked it making noises only dogs could hear while Liverpool slapped Man Utd!!!


Enjoy!!!

Spanked....

Yesterday was one of those fine footballing days that will live on in the memory for a very long time.

Every now and then, much as I have said a lot about Liverpool and their ability to frustrate on a weekly basis, my team come out and do something special.

Our friends along the East Lancs and their lowly ground (built on an industrial estate) took the harsh end of a long overdue bitch slapping of mammoth proportions.

It was made even more bizarre that this was done with Lucas in the side and a goal from Dossena.

T-shirts will be made, stories will be told and Saturday 14th March 2009 will be written into red folk lore.

The truth is that United have just had their season wrecked. They can win every cup and title on offer but at the end of the day they lost both home and away to Liverpool and they will grate them to their very core.

Yesterday, the real Liverpool stood up and did what every team can do if they forget about who it is they are playing and just go out there and play to win. If 2 or 3 more teams go to Old Trafford with that attitude over the next few weeks then perhaps a cage will be rattled and the title dream will still be on? Stranger things have happened, just ask AC Milan.....

Facebook!

I seem to use Facebook more than my blog and this is wrong and needs correcting!

I won't neglect you anymore!

This short blog was sent from my mobile phone using Windows Mobile and Microsoft Outlook Mobile software.

A little treat for you!!!

Here is a little treat for you.

A bizarre video filmed 2 weeks ago whilst down in Canterbury visiting my old mate Sandro.

It was great to see the boy and as is the way with these things, time passed far too quickly but I have broken my visiting duck with him now and must make it a more regular thing!!

Anyway, Sandro has the most amazing electric drum kit, its incredible. The best part is hooking your MP3 player up to it and releasing the rock god within....

You might be able to make out an Aerosmith track here and if you can then you will see that I don't do a pretty bad job at it in my opinion!!!

Now I just need to save £1800.00 to get a kit of my own!!!

Cheers Brother Numsi!!!

What a week!!!

I should update more regularly so that when I tell you about why its been such a horrid week things might make more sense.

There is a lot I haven't told you but to enable you to get your head round this, important facts are -

1. My dosage of Gabapentin has been put up to 600mg per day, it was previously 300mg per day.
2. I am now dieting and hope to do well as my New Year resolution of giving up chocolate (except on Easter Sunday) is still intact.

So it all kind of started on Tuesday night, it was a cold night and I didnt get a lot of sleep. I felt agitated and this co-incided with my dose of Gabapentin being increased. Basically, the doctor said that although I had been on it for a month with no results, I also had no side effects so upping the dose may start to help my numb hands and hopefully the "no side effects" would continue.

Well he was wrong!!! On Wednesday I woke up feeling like I could deck someone!!! I didnt know how I managed to make it through the day but I did. I was a close to a foul mood as I get so when I got home, I just went to bed and kept out of everyones way. I felt exhausted but had a very restless sleep.

I woke on Thursday, not in the mood to deck someone but really lethargic due to the troubled night!!! Again, God knows how I got through the day but again I came home and this time opted for an earlier night than usual with a couple of Syndol to floor me!!!

Woke up this morning, just about!!! I felt drugged, my head was light and my balance on my left side was all over the place.

Luckily, I have worked from home today and made it through OK. I feel tired but tonight I think will be a normal night and I wont have any trouble sleeping.

I think the increased dose of Gabapentin is too much so I am taking 300mg a day and slowly working my way up to 600mg. I think I just jumped too soon.

And just for the record, the drug is having no positive effect on my numbness so is this all for nothing I wonder?

New post....

That's the button you have to press to add a blog entry, "new post".

Sorry there have been no updates for a short time, basically my PC gave in and £350.00 later I have a new HP DX2450 for my sins and I am back up and running.

We do have more than 1 PC in the house, I also have my laptop but I enjoy doing blog entries on my main PC. If I use my laptop then it means its usually very late at night/early in the morning and I am awake and troubled!!!

So a few new posts need to be added about weight, drugs, blood pressure and stuff so I will get back up to date shortly.

Just as another point, my new PC came pre loaded with Windows XP and a Vista disk also. I chose to clean install Vista. I am now a full Vista bitch!!!

I have very few issues with it, in fact, it does a fair few tasks much better and I think that the reason why so many people hate Vista is due to its default settings that on a slower computer would eat up resource. It really is just a case of switching this all off and your PC flies like an XP dream machine.

Ultimately, Microsoft have announced that "Windows 7" will be born out of the Vista interface so it is a case of moving with times or else you get left behind!!!

Sod off Keane!!!

Apparently I am the only one who sees that Robbie Keane has been a complete and utter waste of resources at Liverpool FC and since about the end of September I have been on his back.

Well I was proven right to be that way because if someone else comes onto me with the fact that he was never given a chance and that he is such a good team player then I will be sick.

This is a man soooo out of his depth in a red shirt and now all the rose tinted people will go on about how hard done by he has been while I sit here recalling the amount of games not killed off because of his lack of skill in front of goal.

Go back to where you came from and take this as a lesson in never to sign for a club above your skill-set.

You have been a waste of time Robbie and while I wish you every success in your new (old) club, I also dont have a good word to say about your time at my club.

Sod off!!!

Open letter....

Dear Mr Benitez

I felt compelled to write to you following on from the performance I have just watched against Wigan.

I was first suspicious of the game when I saw Lucas and Benayoun on the teamsheet to start the game but for a while, following on from Benayoun scoring, I thought I had it wrong.

1-0 is never a great lead so I am astonished that you removed Torres to put on a winger, Riera.

Then, my prophecy came true as Lucas gave away a soft penalty and ultimately lost us 3 points and your response was to take of Gerrard and replace him with Keane.

So now you have a level score, thrown away the lead and removed the 2 players most likely to score from the pitch.

In my humble opinion, you have lost the plot. We wont win the title now and this lies on your shoulders.

Do the decent thing and resign.

Kind regards

Mike Jackson

Before & After....

Here are 2 photographs. One shows our overgrown conifers at the back of the house before they were butchered and the other shows the aftermath!!!

£140.00 well spent and the price of seeing sandunes should be priceless really!!!

A good day at the office.

Days like today give me a certain amount of satisfaction and also claw back a little of my partly lost self esteem.

I spend a lot of time chunnering about about aches and pains and symptoms and it all seems a bit gloomy for the reader so today, I have a heartening tale of hands on man work!!!

Today, I had a day as near to being an engineer as I get and it does me good to have to think about and solve problems. I went to 3 separate sites today and did the following -

1 - Went to a care home in Handforth to discover why a few doors with our Smartair locks seem to be open all the time. Without boring you, prior to programming they can be set in a held open mode and if this mode is not cancelled before the lock is initialised, then the lock remains held open until a valid card is used for the first time and then it reverts to secure mode. The problem here was that there were a few held open, initialised doors where no card had been used so it looked like the doors where insecure. A quick explanation later, and the problem was solved.

2 - Onto a college in east Manchester to replace a magnetic lock as it appeared faulty and was dragging power down in the system and leaving the door unlocked. I replaced the lock and the problem was the same. So I put the old lock back as there was obviously nothing wrong with it and worked back through the system to find the problem. The problem was the power supply and I don't know what has happened here but it has several powered outputs so that each output has its own fuse. We had 2 outputs in use on 2 doors. Once I made the "positive" leg of the power common from one output and the "negative" leg on its fused output, it worked fine!!! Don't ask me to explain that but the upshot is that it works!!!

3 - Finally onto a school in Northwich to finish off a job we started a few weeks back. I had to connect the electric lock, wire the locks relay correctly, install a new set of levers on the door, configure and commission the card reader and show them how to use their new CCTV system.

So as you can see, busy day and I feel good about it. I am tired now but that's just par for the course with me but the sense of achievement from today is quite pleasurable!!!

Look for the positives.....

The above is what Rafa says about the shambles that was Liverpool V Everton last night.

The game aside, I am sat sitting here (as Wogan would say) and I am putting Rafa to the test.

He states that if any Liverpool fan had asked in August about what our position would be right now then "level on points with the mancs at the top of the table" would be perfect.

I was going to be quite harsh, but there are positives, for instance.....

After 22 games last year, Liverpool had 40 points, we currently have 47. So we are 7 points up on the deal.

After 22 games last year. Scum had 51 points, they now have 47. Scum are 4 points down.

Scum went on to win the league so from a progress point of view, we are better placed than previous. Furthermore, we are in our current position without relying on the firepower of Torres.

So all the people who say everyone else is poor and Liverpool have not progressed should consider the above stat.

What is unexplainable though is Rafa's team selection, petition your local MP about this man....

In all my years as a Red, I have never witnessed such a shambles of a player as Lucas Leiva. This man is a suicidal selection for any team. He was the reason why we did not turn Stoke over and his instant foul last night when he came on was the seed that led to Everton getting something from the game.

I can only surmise that Rafa needs to keep playing this tosser to renew his work permit and get a decent price for him.

Anyway.....