There is never any good news.....

I haven't been at my best for the best part of the week, in fact I am harbouring a great sadness about things and feeling generally sorry for myself.

Last Friday, I went for my usual check up at the Walton Centre and as is usual, saw another Registrar who had no idea of my condition or where I had been, how long I had it or what had been done about it and I found out 2 things to upset me.

1. I had a relapse recently. I didn't consider at the time that I had experienced a relapse but based on the evidence, I must have had one. A few weeks ago I had a very light tingling in my left foot and although it was there, it didn't cause me any pain so I just left it. At the same time, I felt just a touch weaker in my left side but again ignored it as fatigue or the like. Anyway, it was a relapse and for that reason, I feel anxious that I am not immune to relapses. This is the first official relapse since all of this started so from that point of view, it shows that my original symptoms were not a "one off".
2. This is the more disturbing one. With regard to my numbness in my hands, there is nothing else to try. The last drug trial of Pregablin failed as it just caused anxiety which is worse than the numbness but what this means in reality is that there is no cure for my numb hands and basically, as far as I can see they will be with me until I die. In fact, they will probably be the reason I die!!!

On top of both of those thoughts, it was all delivered in a "matter of fact" fashion with no compassion towards how I might feel about it. It was served cold to me and I think more effort should be made towards us neuro nutters to either soften the blow or make sure that if you have to deal with a heartless registrar then you see a support worker immediately after.

I haven't felt so low about my condition for a long time and I am thankful that I am seeing the psychologist next week as at least they have some words of comfort to help.

If I ran things, no one would leave the Walton Centre feeling as empty as I did, in my work, even if I have bad news for someone, I will guarantee that I finish the conversation in a cheery manner but that is just me I suppose.