In 1992, the Queen coined the term "Annus Horribilis" to describe a miserable year of her life.
I think that 2007 has been mine......
One of the original reasons for having the blog was the ability to look back at past times and take stock of where I was and ultimately, where I am going.
I have just spent an wondrous hour reliving the year through my entries and I can see the frustration of getting annoying symptoms, the caution shown as words like "MS" came out of the Consultants mouth, the horror of discovering that it might be a reality, the depression of recovery and the ray of hope that after a few clear months, things might not be as bad as they seem.
For 2008, I want things to be different. Like all people, I have a rook of promises and issues that I intend to sort out in the form of resolutions but overwhelmingly I want to enjoy life once more.
2007 saw my insane optimism turn to complete pessimism and after such a dive I now know that it is my eternal optimism that drives me.
To enjoy life, you need to be content at all levels of emotion, these include self love (oi), respect, honesty, enthusiasm, compassion, cheerfulness, confidence, joy and pleasure. I know that I don't have contentment in a few of those and I know exactly the areas of myself and my life that I need to change to achieve it.
Like I say, 2008 will be different and this is the place where i can sit back in 12 months from now and see if I made it that way.
Hopefully 2008 will be happy for all, I wish you peace and goodwill for the coming year.
Thursday, 27 December 2007
Friday, 30 November 2007
MRI Results.....finally, some better news!!!
I actually had a consultation on Monday of this week to discover the results of my recent MRI scan. I have been a bit lazy recently on the blog and for that reason I did not give the update as soon as I had the news, also, its taken me a few days to let the results sink in, be processed in my head and turned into coherent reasoning that can be viewed here.
The results were....
Basically, the most recent scan shows no or little change of consequence in my inflamed area of the neck and no new white spots of note on my brain.
This is obviously fantastic news for me but at the same time, a little overwhelming as I need you to understand that since we first found inflammation and spots in my earlier MRI, I have woken each day with the thought that there is a silent disease spreading through my neck and brain and I am in no control of it. It really is that simple, for the last 9 months or so, I have worried myself silly and waited for the day where we could compare scans taken a distance apart to see if this condition grows silently or lies dormant.
So a huge weight is lifted. It is now pretty safe to assume that while I don't have the symptoms that took me down earlier this year and while I can wake each day without getting out of bed and falling over or having an attack of various levels, then its safe to assume that the condition is not developing or spreading in my neck or brain. On the other hand, if I do have another bout of symptoms then its a different story.
On reflection, I should be gloriously happy but I don't allow myself to be that way and I don't really know why. Is it just the case that Myelitis won the first round and I took the second? Or, is it a case that I still wake every day thinking that something is going to happen to me. I know for a fact that if anything does happen then the thoughts of inflammation and brain spots will run rife in me. The question is, will another attack ever happen? And if so, when? I don't have the answers to these.
As usual, and once Christmas is out of the way, its time to take steps to be healthier on the whole. I did some good work earlier this year and I have let it go by the wayside so I am definitely one of those diet types for 2008.
I genuinely wish I could sit here and be more hopeful about the future, rest assured, a part of me is. A larger part of me believes that there are still a few rocky times ahead and as I was a scout, remember what Baden Powell said......"Come and see some puppies young man", I mean "BE PREPARED!!!".
The results were....
Basically, the most recent scan shows no or little change of consequence in my inflamed area of the neck and no new white spots of note on my brain.
This is obviously fantastic news for me but at the same time, a little overwhelming as I need you to understand that since we first found inflammation and spots in my earlier MRI, I have woken each day with the thought that there is a silent disease spreading through my neck and brain and I am in no control of it. It really is that simple, for the last 9 months or so, I have worried myself silly and waited for the day where we could compare scans taken a distance apart to see if this condition grows silently or lies dormant.
So a huge weight is lifted. It is now pretty safe to assume that while I don't have the symptoms that took me down earlier this year and while I can wake each day without getting out of bed and falling over or having an attack of various levels, then its safe to assume that the condition is not developing or spreading in my neck or brain. On the other hand, if I do have another bout of symptoms then its a different story.
On reflection, I should be gloriously happy but I don't allow myself to be that way and I don't really know why. Is it just the case that Myelitis won the first round and I took the second? Or, is it a case that I still wake every day thinking that something is going to happen to me. I know for a fact that if anything does happen then the thoughts of inflammation and brain spots will run rife in me. The question is, will another attack ever happen? And if so, when? I don't have the answers to these.
As usual, and once Christmas is out of the way, its time to take steps to be healthier on the whole. I did some good work earlier this year and I have let it go by the wayside so I am definitely one of those diet types for 2008.
I genuinely wish I could sit here and be more hopeful about the future, rest assured, a part of me is. A larger part of me believes that there are still a few rocky times ahead and as I was a scout, remember what Baden Powell said......"Come and see some puppies young man", I mean "BE PREPARED!!!".
Tuesday, 13 November 2007
Its a big day for me!!!
I always know when its going to be a big day, basically because I cant sleep.
Here I am, approaching Midnight, bright eyed and bushy tailed on tenterhooks because I know something is going to happen.
And what is it that is going to happen then? Well today, Wednesday, is the day I have an MRI scan at Lourdes Hospital in Liverpool.
So why is this scan so important? Well, its the first time that I have had a proper scan since my first bout of troubles earlier this year. It is the first time that those results of over 6 months ago will be compared to a fresh set of results. In this way, we shall see if there is any progression in my condition.
What are we looking for then? My Myelitis came about due to inflammation in my spine around the neck area. There were 2 slightly dark areas in the last scan so obviously we want to see if other dark areas have appeared or if the existing areas have grown in size.
The second thing we are looking for is spots on my brain (sounds horrible). In my previous scan, I had several white spots on my grey matter but the consultant called these "BSUO's" which is consultant talk for Big Shiny Unidentified Objects. We all get spots on our noggins over time but in the case of tracking the progress of something like MS, these lesions (another horrible word) grow in size. So in my case, we will be looking to see if the spots that were there last time have stayed, gone or grown.
As you can see, a lot can be told from an MRI scan but to ultimately be diagnosed with the MS word, there are a few more boxes that need to be ticked.
I found an interesting article on the Internet about MS a while ago. It basically said that there are more wrong diagnosi of the condition than there are legitimate ones. To combat this, the criteria for diagnosing the condition was re-evaluated and there are lots of small symptoms that have to occur over a period of time subsequent from each other before a diagnosis can be made.
In my case, every day that passes without the symptoms I had earlier this year is a scalable bonus. 2 symptom attacks have to happen within 12 months of each other to tick one of the boxes. So even though each day I wake up with some ache or pain that I feel is going to trigger something, it doesn't, and with that in mind I get one step closer to March 2008 which is where I pass the 12 month mark. I think you can see my thinking here.
Anyway, back to the MRI. I can only hope for the best, and the best is no progression. I have been through a lot in the last few months but on reflection, my condition is no worse than it was following my recovery earlier on in the year.
Unfortunately, I don't get to see my consultant to discuss the scan until a week on Monday. I would have been able to see him this coming Monday but I am in Germany as part of my product training in the new job and I could not drop tools on this.
As usual, I will keep anyone who cares updated, wish me luck.......
Here I am, approaching Midnight, bright eyed and bushy tailed on tenterhooks because I know something is going to happen.
And what is it that is going to happen then? Well today, Wednesday, is the day I have an MRI scan at Lourdes Hospital in Liverpool.
So why is this scan so important? Well, its the first time that I have had a proper scan since my first bout of troubles earlier this year. It is the first time that those results of over 6 months ago will be compared to a fresh set of results. In this way, we shall see if there is any progression in my condition.
What are we looking for then? My Myelitis came about due to inflammation in my spine around the neck area. There were 2 slightly dark areas in the last scan so obviously we want to see if other dark areas have appeared or if the existing areas have grown in size.
The second thing we are looking for is spots on my brain (sounds horrible). In my previous scan, I had several white spots on my grey matter but the consultant called these "BSUO's" which is consultant talk for Big Shiny Unidentified Objects. We all get spots on our noggins over time but in the case of tracking the progress of something like MS, these lesions (another horrible word) grow in size. So in my case, we will be looking to see if the spots that were there last time have stayed, gone or grown.
As you can see, a lot can be told from an MRI scan but to ultimately be diagnosed with the MS word, there are a few more boxes that need to be ticked.
I found an interesting article on the Internet about MS a while ago. It basically said that there are more wrong diagnosi of the condition than there are legitimate ones. To combat this, the criteria for diagnosing the condition was re-evaluated and there are lots of small symptoms that have to occur over a period of time subsequent from each other before a diagnosis can be made.
In my case, every day that passes without the symptoms I had earlier this year is a scalable bonus. 2 symptom attacks have to happen within 12 months of each other to tick one of the boxes. So even though each day I wake up with some ache or pain that I feel is going to trigger something, it doesn't, and with that in mind I get one step closer to March 2008 which is where I pass the 12 month mark. I think you can see my thinking here.
Anyway, back to the MRI. I can only hope for the best, and the best is no progression. I have been through a lot in the last few months but on reflection, my condition is no worse than it was following my recovery earlier on in the year.
Unfortunately, I don't get to see my consultant to discuss the scan until a week on Monday. I would have been able to see him this coming Monday but I am in Germany as part of my product training in the new job and I could not drop tools on this.
As usual, I will keep anyone who cares updated, wish me luck.......
Saturday, 27 October 2007
Work....
I don't have much of an idea of just how many people read my blog on a regular basis, but if you do, I am sure that you are sorely disappointed at the lack of entries recently.
I think that if the truth be told, I am a little consumed by new job. It's been several weeks now and from the off its been pretty manic times and for the majority of the time, once I finally get home at night, I would rather spend that time with Kerris than be sat up here in my dim office battering away at the keyboard.
Anyway, I now have a laptop with WIFI so I can now sit in Kerris's company and do the blog too. Multitasking has always been a speciality of mine.
So how is the job going? Well what can I tell you, its been a hectic start to life at Onyx, its also been stressful in more ways than one!!! The main stress comes about from one of our suppliers who have insisted on sending people to help me in my early days of selling their products. The problem here is that I had one guy from Belgium and another from Germany with me and they just don't understand that a lot of the calls I am making are intro calls to people I have never met. My only expectation on an intro call is that the customer is happy with me as a person and Onyx as a potential supplier. However, these guys expect to walk out of every call with orders. Its not over yet and its something I have to bear with for a few more weeks.
Another thing is that I wanted to work harder than I did at Ingersoll Rand and I am doing. I got very lazy at IR so to get back into a hectic regime has been a bit of a shock to the system. My body is not what it was and I can feel within me that there are still wounds that are far from healed. Its been an adjustment and will continue to be, hopefully my body will allow me to adjust.
All in all though, with the exception of people who only want to tell me how much cheaper everyone else is on key blanks (I sell for 10p and the guy tells me he can buy for 9.3p) its a role I am starting to get my teeth into. Over the first few weeks, I have met loads of new people and as I start to make regular calls into them, I am sure I can win business. I am also getting familiar with some of the new kit I sell and last week, I did my first key machine demo!! I now want one to take everywhere!!!
The blog has been neglected though, and it needs my TLC. I plan to put some catch up entries on over the next week and the big news is my impending MRI scan that I am in no way looking forward to!!!
Stay tuned!!!
I think that if the truth be told, I am a little consumed by new job. It's been several weeks now and from the off its been pretty manic times and for the majority of the time, once I finally get home at night, I would rather spend that time with Kerris than be sat up here in my dim office battering away at the keyboard.
Anyway, I now have a laptop with WIFI so I can now sit in Kerris's company and do the blog too. Multitasking has always been a speciality of mine.
So how is the job going? Well what can I tell you, its been a hectic start to life at Onyx, its also been stressful in more ways than one!!! The main stress comes about from one of our suppliers who have insisted on sending people to help me in my early days of selling their products. The problem here is that I had one guy from Belgium and another from Germany with me and they just don't understand that a lot of the calls I am making are intro calls to people I have never met. My only expectation on an intro call is that the customer is happy with me as a person and Onyx as a potential supplier. However, these guys expect to walk out of every call with orders. Its not over yet and its something I have to bear with for a few more weeks.
Another thing is that I wanted to work harder than I did at Ingersoll Rand and I am doing. I got very lazy at IR so to get back into a hectic regime has been a bit of a shock to the system. My body is not what it was and I can feel within me that there are still wounds that are far from healed. Its been an adjustment and will continue to be, hopefully my body will allow me to adjust.
All in all though, with the exception of people who only want to tell me how much cheaper everyone else is on key blanks (I sell for 10p and the guy tells me he can buy for 9.3p) its a role I am starting to get my teeth into. Over the first few weeks, I have met loads of new people and as I start to make regular calls into them, I am sure I can win business. I am also getting familiar with some of the new kit I sell and last week, I did my first key machine demo!! I now want one to take everywhere!!!
The blog has been neglected though, and it needs my TLC. I plan to put some catch up entries on over the next week and the big news is my impending MRI scan that I am in no way looking forward to!!!
Stay tuned!!!
Saturday, 20 October 2007
Interesting angle.
Woke up today for a second day without hip pain which was nice but I do feel like I have pulled a muscle in my neck in my sleep to compensate!!!
Anyway, one thing I forgot to mention in the last post was the fact that my massage lady had a good 20 minute chat with me prior to getting her mits on me and its her point of view that illnesses that are caused without reason are usually brought on by stress. In my case, she started by asking me about the last point of trauma I had in my. I recognise cognitive techniques and she was textbook!!!
We talked about causes that may have triggered my illness and to be fair, we went over a lot of ground which she discounted. These included, my Dad passing on, Jay being born and the after effects of the birth, my break up with Sandra all those years ago and my vasectomy!!!
However, I was made redundancy from a job on 18th November 2005 (some dates you don't forget eh) from Neurodynamics (I think there is some irony in that seen as though I am now under a Neurologist) and thinking back, the 2 months that I was out of work were very traumatic for me as a person and for my family. We came to the conclusion that this was well timed to unleash my current condition and I have to admit, the more I think of it, the more I am willing to use that point as the start of this.
Well there you go, any comments welcome!!!
Anyway, one thing I forgot to mention in the last post was the fact that my massage lady had a good 20 minute chat with me prior to getting her mits on me and its her point of view that illnesses that are caused without reason are usually brought on by stress. In my case, she started by asking me about the last point of trauma I had in my. I recognise cognitive techniques and she was textbook!!!
We talked about causes that may have triggered my illness and to be fair, we went over a lot of ground which she discounted. These included, my Dad passing on, Jay being born and the after effects of the birth, my break up with Sandra all those years ago and my vasectomy!!!
However, I was made redundancy from a job on 18th November 2005 (some dates you don't forget eh) from Neurodynamics (I think there is some irony in that seen as though I am now under a Neurologist) and thinking back, the 2 months that I was out of work were very traumatic for me as a person and for my family. We came to the conclusion that this was well timed to unleash my current condition and I have to admit, the more I think of it, the more I am willing to use that point as the start of this.
Well there you go, any comments welcome!!!
Friday, 19 October 2007
Craniosarcal Therapy
There is a long word for a Friday eh!!! Basically, yesterday evening, an older woman took me into her spare bedroom and massaged me until I came all over light headed and weak!!
Actually, I think the real story here is that I am turning a little "new age" and trying out alternative methods of coping with the symptoms of Myelitis.
I came to the conclusion a few weeks ago that I am currently sitting in limbo waiting for the next bout of symptoms to strike me down. While in limbo I have Myelitis and once I am hit with the dreaded second coming, they can clinically diagnose MS, however, the trick is to stay in limbo for as long as is humanly possible. The longer you are in limbo, the better because even if you have the dreaded second coming of symptoms but they are 18 months from the first attack, you still wont be diagnosed as the attacked have to happen between 6-12 months from each other to tick the box.
So you would think that limbo is a good place then? Wrong, its a lousy place. There is not much help in limbo, doctors refer you to consultants and consultants analyse data but offer little support. If I had MS, there are a million groups, forums and other services to call on but until such a time there is no support structure for Myelitis. Also, don't confuse what I have with Transverse Myelitis, they are not the same.
Anyway, seen as though there is not much support for me, I thought I would give into Kerris who constantly tells me the benefits of alternative methods of dealing with my problem. I have heard the acupuncture mentioned more than once and I figured that it was time to start checking these out.
So this brings me to Craniosarcal Therapy. Its a method of massage concentrated on the central nervous system, practised by a few people and after my session, I think these people feel they are healers who channel positive energy into you. She was channelling something as she told me to take off my leather belt as energy does not pass through leather!!! That explains why cows stand still then!!!
Well I have to say, I am the worlds best sceptic but last night, the technique was very relaxing and very pleasant. Basically, the lady held various bits on me in her hands (steady!!!) and very slowly maneuvered me about while I lay relaxed on the bed. This was especially good with my head as I got a genuine feeling of floating around the room!!!
Afterwards, I felt very tired and light headed and she told me that over the next 7-10 days, I will feel changes to my nerve functions. She told me to drink loads of water (I hate water) which has basically made me pee all day. As for my symptoms, well there is no major improvement, I have been waking each morning with pain in my hips and today there was none. Coincidence or result?
I will keep you informed!!!
Actually, I think the real story here is that I am turning a little "new age" and trying out alternative methods of coping with the symptoms of Myelitis.
I came to the conclusion a few weeks ago that I am currently sitting in limbo waiting for the next bout of symptoms to strike me down. While in limbo I have Myelitis and once I am hit with the dreaded second coming, they can clinically diagnose MS, however, the trick is to stay in limbo for as long as is humanly possible. The longer you are in limbo, the better because even if you have the dreaded second coming of symptoms but they are 18 months from the first attack, you still wont be diagnosed as the attacked have to happen between 6-12 months from each other to tick the box.
So you would think that limbo is a good place then? Wrong, its a lousy place. There is not much help in limbo, doctors refer you to consultants and consultants analyse data but offer little support. If I had MS, there are a million groups, forums and other services to call on but until such a time there is no support structure for Myelitis. Also, don't confuse what I have with Transverse Myelitis, they are not the same.
Anyway, seen as though there is not much support for me, I thought I would give into Kerris who constantly tells me the benefits of alternative methods of dealing with my problem. I have heard the acupuncture mentioned more than once and I figured that it was time to start checking these out.
So this brings me to Craniosarcal Therapy. Its a method of massage concentrated on the central nervous system, practised by a few people and after my session, I think these people feel they are healers who channel positive energy into you. She was channelling something as she told me to take off my leather belt as energy does not pass through leather!!! That explains why cows stand still then!!!
Well I have to say, I am the worlds best sceptic but last night, the technique was very relaxing and very pleasant. Basically, the lady held various bits on me in her hands (steady!!!) and very slowly maneuvered me about while I lay relaxed on the bed. This was especially good with my head as I got a genuine feeling of floating around the room!!!
Afterwards, I felt very tired and light headed and she told me that over the next 7-10 days, I will feel changes to my nerve functions. She told me to drink loads of water (I hate water) which has basically made me pee all day. As for my symptoms, well there is no major improvement, I have been waking each morning with pain in my hips and today there was none. Coincidence or result?
I will keep you informed!!!
Sunday, 7 October 2007
Wedding Bells
Yesterday saw my friend Nick Bartlett get married to the ever so lovely Cara Mitchell and I was Best Man.
I am pleased to report that it was a great day and went off (almost) without a hitch....and I dont mean that in a marriage sense.
The wedding was at Speke Hall in Liverpool and the reception was held at the Marriot Hotel in Liverpool city centre. Nick and Cara had gone to great lengths so that guests could be ferried between the wedding venue and the hotel but the coach failed to collect the guests in the morning from the hotel so a load of emergency taxis were called in!!! Apparently the guy had been held up in traffic on Edge Lane but amazingly failed yo let anyone know. Anyway, that was all that went wrong so the guests all arrived by taxi and I tracked the coach down so that at least it was there to ship them all back to the hotel.
The service in the great hall went perfectly. Nick's voice was breaking a little during his vows but I am sure its just nerves. Cara made up for it by stating hers loud and clear for all to hear!!! I was there alongside to pass the rings and also catch Nick if he decided to faint!!
A lifetimes worth of photos then followed before we took the show back to the Marriot for the wedding breakfast.
I had been nervous all day at the thought of the speech and it would not be fair on the couple to reveal the depth of my nerves around the event as they have enough to worry about without me adding to it. When the time came to deliver my Best Man speech, I took control and nailed it!! All that practising in the car had done wonders!!! Soffe, being the ever resourceful man that he is, ran a sweep stake on the length of the my speech and it serves him right that there was a debate from a disgruntled party following the result!! Finally, my job was done and I could enjoy myself!!!
In the evening though, lethargy came over and although it hit me later on, Kerris went first and
was in bed early following the buffet. I managed to carry on until about 11.15 but I had been awake since 4.00AM so I hit the hay alongside a "dead to the world" Kerris. Note to Marriot Hotels......we love your beds!!!
So, all in all it was a lovely day. I enjoyed myself immensely even though nerves and a few other niggling things started to get the better of me but hopefully no-one noticed. Cara and Nick jet off to Mexico on Monday for their honeymoon, I really hope that they enjoy themselves and I look forward to seeing just how dark Nick can get in 2 weeks of scorching beach worship!!! Take care guys and thanks for letting me be part of your day!!!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
