Health update.

I haven't updated you all on my health for a while so here is the latest on how I am doing and how I am feeling!!!

Well recently, I complained of the now famous "spaz attacks" that run down the left side of my body. I pointed out that these generally only happen when I am in the car and/or singing while in the car and/or talking while in the car. Basically, they happen when I am in the car!!!

These seem to have passed on now, without any medication which is a good thing as it proves that the bod can heal itself still. That gives me a certain amount of comfort in the fact that future troubles wont rely on medicine alone. If I can tolerate it then perhaps it will pass.

What next? Oh yes, if I drop another thing, I am going to catch it on the volley on the way down!!! I just cant seem to hold onto anything, I drop all sorts of stuff but mainly small things and I think this is because I still have a lot of numbness and loss of feeling in my hands. If its small, I don't feel it too well and I think that's why I am getting doing this.

So that also covers the numbness in my hands!!!

My balance is as ropey as its always been. My left side is definitely suspect and for that reason I would still not trust it in a race. I cant walk any further than I could previously without my left side going all wobbly and I suppose it is the fact that these symptoms are here for the duration.

I was quite sad on the sports day, and this will be news to people as no one would have picked up on it but perhaps I am quite matter of fact here rather than deeply personal. I was quite sad because I did not feel that I could take part in the parents race. It was not a running race or anything too strenuous but I just didn't feel the ability to compete, fun or not, I just did not feel mentally right to be there. Its difficult being me, I don't mind telling anyone that.

Then finally...tired!!! Oh God have I been tired but I think its more to do with the last few weeks that actual symptoms. I could be completely wrong though as its a trademark symptom of people in my position. I just haven't stopped and also, I don't let myself stop and furthermore if I don't stop then I get myself into a mess and take it out on the people I love the most and its not their fault so I end up being mad with myself which makes it all worse.

As I get used to all this, I need to change certain things about the way I live my life. Yes, I always talk about weight etc but a lot of healing can be done if you are in the right place in your mind. I need to tell myself that I am not the man that I was 2-3 years ago (although there is no real reason why I cant return to that in time) but I also need to tell myself that I am not currently capable of being the one stop shop solution that tries his best to make every ones life around him easier with himself as the exception. I will in time learn the perfect balance but while I do, please bear with me.

Right, I am going to bed now.